“Dad, can I have some money to go shopping with my friend tomorrow? I can’t find where I put mine.”
“I can give you five dollars.”
“But that’s not enough!”
“Looks like you’re going to have to find where you put the rest of yours.”
We want our kids to learn responsibility when handling money. But we also want them to have a work ethic to make the money they need.
Sure, it’s a frictionless parenting experience now to just give them what they want. But do we take for granted what we learned along the way? If we don’t pass that on, we may be capitulating the same way when our kids are 30.
And still wondering when they’ll learn money management skills.
It doesn’t have to be hard, though. But passing that on may take resolving some assumptions.
Assumed myths
When I was growing up, financial gurus advocated teaching kids how to manage money by just giving it to them.
No strings. No expectation of performance. Give them money and when they ran out, they were out.
Their reasoning? Kids would learn to make the most of what they had until the next payment came around. Or realize those windfalls of extra video games or other fun privileges needed to be saved and budgeted for.
But that calculus was based on doing well in school, showing up to work, and collecting a steady paycheck.
If you had the means, it also meant college and a reliable white-collar job to live a little bit better.
And, let’s be honest, the job market hasn’t been that stable for our generation.
So, what’s missing from the equation and how do we teach it to our kids?
What is money and how to get it
It’s not enough to just manage money. We all have to learn how to bring it in.
You see, money is a symbol of energy. You put energy in with work, ideas, and relationships and get money out.
And the clearest path to get that understanding to last a lifetime is execution.
Execution is what separates those who get funded versus going broke. It’s what gets the promotion or sets you up for a lucrative new position at another company.
So, what does execution look like for kids? See if any of these sound familiar:
Take out the trash…
Walk the dog…
Clean up your room…
Do the dishes…
Right? Simple chores.
Things easy to forget when we do them ourselves. Often because they’re still not done and we’re tired of asking.
But promoting that ethic of execution for your kids sticks with them for life. So what’s stopping us from doing that?
Means matter
With anything in life, the way we were taught had more to do with what we were taught.
Our impressions colored the information we received positively or negatively, no matter how good the information was for us.
The same is true for our kids. Here are some things to watch out for:
One-sidedness
One kid doing all the work and reaping all the rewards raises issues with “keeping score” and “playing favorites.”
Sit with this for a minute: playing favorites isn’t a problem so long as you make it clear why and everyone has a fair shot.
That why usually centers around execution. To dispel the disgust around favoritism, have clear standards mixed with unconditional love.
Visual family
When everyone can see those standards, it’s obvious why Janie can go out with her friends more than Jimmy. Keeping it visual helps keep track of where they stand in relation to where they want to go.
My family’s solution? We use the Skylight planner. Kids can keep track of how much energy they’re putting into our family and how much privileges they should expect.
Privileges don’t surrogate for love
Even with open, visual tracking, it can still seem like one kid gets more than the others. It’s critical for your kid to understand his value is more than what he does to serve the family.
I want to teach my kids a willingness to help out of love. Doing chores just for privileges sets up a bland, mercenary society in any house. And that’s not what I want to send into the world.
Forming the future
Back in real life, a coworker relayed a story about an employee who asked to be fired. “My mom said she’ll kick me out of her house if I quit another job,” he reasoned, “but I don’t want to work.”
Call me skeptical, but I don’t think his mom will be happier if he gets fired for cause.
Luckily, I still have time with my daughter before she goes into the world. And if I want her to avoid that kind of future, we both need to put the work in.
Especially after learning she used her newfound freedom to fritter her money away on snacks. Before she bought materials to meet her business goals for the year.
But…I remind myself…that’s her lesson to learn and grow from.
Sure, a little money for a shopping trip won’t hurt anyone. She still managed to have fun shopping with $5. And even did me proud by comparison shopping.
So instead of giving along to get along, consider how your standards impact your kids’ relationship with work and money. Your kids’ positive relationship with money based on energy put into serving others may be the better gift.
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