Wednesday was a terrible day.
The thought of another Christian school shooting was bad enough. During Mass, no less.
But I grappled with a different sense of anger and dread: how long until we find out the shooter was trans? Less than a day, it turned out.
I hate feeling this jaded.
The State blames access to guns. And discussions about radical online forums are gaining attention again.
Which leaves the question: what do we do now?
Rooted in Accommodation
This will take some exploring, but stick with me.
Let’s start with values systems.
If yours requires everyone else around you to believe a certain thing, it’s not a healthy system.
And amid that unhealthiness, we redefined adolescence. Changing from strict discipline to accommodation hasn’t brought the glorious future we were promised.
Wasn’t there a middle ground, though? One that looked like empathizing: “I know what it feels like to not be comfortable in your own skin.”
It’s an easy hole to get into. But not impossible to escape.
The best way out of that hole is reflection. It’s learning to work with the hand you’ve been dealt.
Instead, “experts” engage us with a self-affirming marketing machine. One that puts your kids on course to spend millions on hormone replacement and surgeries for the rest of their lives.
This kid was encouraged for five years to act against his nature because of his feelings.
That’s not an accusation. It’s a lesson for the rest of us.
To stop accommodating is not the same as persecution. We need to stop treating these as equals.
Manifesting in daily life
Have you noticed how accommodation has changed the way we do things?
Take this example: whenever I text any word starting with “trans-”, iPhone suggests a blue, pink, and white flag.
“Transport”, “transform”, or to “transition” to another task all produce the same outcome. The algorithm seems to be working for the frequency of these kids posting on forums about their pain.
Meanwhile, I text my wife with the same message every day: “Enjoy your day and God bless!” I fat finger this sometimes, and Apple’s algorithm will not autocorrect to “God”.
It can suggest “hid”, “kid”, or “goes”. It may even think I meant more than one, suggesting “gods” and “goddesses”.
But despite the daily habit and an Apple ID that’s followed me for 9 years, it will never suggest “God”.
Before this, though, Windows phone figured it out. It would even suggest the entire phrase because I typed the same thing every day.
So why is the UX for an iPhone so different?
Has accommodation changed to social engineering?
Confront the Uncomfortable
Think about the time the Biden administration labeled as domestic terrorists any parents who confronted school boards about graphic sexual depictions in libraries.
Or the time Minnesota’s governor installed tampon dispensers in boys’ bathrooms.
Or his wife saying how proud she was to open her window so she could smell the burning tires of justice in her city’s streets in 2020.
Does that mean the rest of us should should settle for Christian school shootings being the natural outcome of trans kids not getting what they want?
It’s time we confront some uncomfortable truths:
- Will to power is the oldest order in humanity. It’s also the least stable.
- Feeding a sex obsession for teenagers isn’t healthy. They haven’t realized how much more to life there is and sexuality is only a part of existence.
- Parents who accommodate for fear of losing their kids will lose their kids. Sometimes tragically, like Wednesday.
Chase the Good
How do we flip this script, then?
We could start redefining “self” as how you can help others.
You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.
– Zig Ziglar
Compare that to setting your highest goal as having others see you as you want them to see you.
When acceptance becomes an end, there’s no satisfying that need. People are finite and have their own needs to fulfill.
But there’s a God in Heaven Who has no limits. He knows who you’re supposed to be. And with enough quiet space, you can hear what He has to say.
When addictive algorithms keep kids on their phones and in these toxic forums, only a loving parent can intervene and redirect. Even if it means dealing with a tantrum.
But parents need to take the first step.
Time for a Change
Limiting access to guns isn’t the way out of this. We have a better shot limiting our accommodation and amping up our love.
Or at least not be so jaded that the cycle has turned again.
There’s no doubt this is hard. So parents, support each other through the difficulty of raising teenagers.
The closer that action is to home, the better off all of us are.
In the meantime, don’t discount thoughts and prayers. If you think it’s a throw away statement, you’re not praying right.
Because the interpersonal love you follow up with can answer prayer.
I’m praying for you, Minneapolis.
Keep healthy discussion going around parenting. Check out these related posts:
Liberty Begins At Home 
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