What’s something you do completely differently from how you were raised?
We get what we get when we come into the world.
Some get better than others. But that’s not the end of the story.
Because growing up gives us a chance to do things differently. And through that agency we can make a better world.
That said, there’s no one thing I chose to do differently. Even though it all had to do with my family.
What are those things? And how can you make them work for you?
Marry my compliment
After graduating colleges, there was pressure toward advantageous marriages. Financial stability was the highest goal.
But I had something more in mind.
All that stability had me struggling to get out of my own head. I needed someone who was already there to get me to come along.
Personalities can be different, but goals needed to be the same. I needed someone motivated from her core to have several children and raise them with all of her love.
Without that, none of the following would work.
Natural family planning
Nothing kills bonding like insisting on physical separation. Especially when a couple should be intimate. And separation to avoid pregnancy doesn’t offer the means to conceive.
Fortunately, we had a tool to follow my wife’s cycle. Not only did it let us accurately target the most fertile point, it also let us space our children to meet their infant needs without depleting my wife’s body.
We didn’t have to give anything up in our marriage to avoid being overwhelmed.
Husband-coached, unmedicated birth
And why should marital bonding end at conception?
Bonding happens for men when overcoming struggles together. As beautiful as it is, birth is still a huge physical struggle. And a lot of men choose to let it happen on the other side of the delivery room door.
There’s a difference in being physically present. Guiding your wife to breathe through her contractions. And, if you’re lucky, touching your baby’s head as she crowns.
It doesn’t make it any less painful. It just makes a hard thing doable.
Ecological breastfeeding and baby-led weaning
Which leads me to recovery. Thankfully, biology gave women a means to space children by taking care of them. And not just for 3 months of FMLA leave before returning to work, either.
Yes, nursing on demand means my wife lacks for personal space. It’s also deferred the return of her cycle between 6-18 months.
No external hormonal adjustments needed.
That makes child spacing through natural family planning so much easier. Which set us up to be ready for more.
Multiple kids
And my wife and I wanted more.
I was raised an only child. That delayed a lot of my development when trying to relate to others. I wanted my kids to have better.
Because having kids isn’t just about minimizing conflicts. Actually, resolving conflicts and repairing is what makes relationships grow.
That helps them to develop more completely while giving them siblings to lean on when they get older.
Single income household
Having all that meant I couldn’t completely give up on financial stability. But it didn’t mean both my wife and I needed to pull a paycheck.
Sure, it’s meant foregoing some luxuries. But it takes a lot less than you think to provide what a big family needs.
Plus, it forces us to tap into the creative and planning sides of our brains. All while getting serious about what really matters to us.
Homeschooling with kids’ development
That lets my wife stay home to educate the kids. The creative and planning faculties we had to develop
It’s not just teaching our kids what to know, but how each of them learn, instead of feeding them through a one-size-fits-all system.
It also gives us more flexibility to help build what they’re good at while opening their curiosity to new things.
And with multiple siblings in the house, they are able to help each other learn as they learn watching each other.
Getting kids active in business
I was told to get an education, get a job in government, and the rest would take care of itself.
And in accordance with that
Except the government can only suck so much productivity out of workers before a country implodes.
So what could I pass on to my kids who also need a way to provide for themselves?
What didn’t change?
That was a lot to change. But not everything had to.
God had to stay at the center of our lives for this to work.
Not as a white knuckle discipline to abide by the rules to merit Heaven.
But knowing through surrender His Spirit can flow through you and provide everything you need.
It makes everything above…doable.
Because when you look at all that you don’t like and want to make a change, you don’t have throw out everything and start from scratch.
Some things are important and powerful enough to keep. Otherwise, you can’t build something new.
We get what we get. But we get the choice to make things better, too.
Wow, that was a lot. Which one stuck out to you? Which do you want to hear more about? Subscribe and leave me a comment below so I know what to write for my next post.
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